Hearing a department store clerk address the lady as “Ma’am,”
four year old Jennifer asked what that meant.
“Ma’am is short for madam,” her mother replied. “It’s a polite way to address a woman.”
Jennifer asked what name Daddy would be called.
“Sir,” mother answered.
“Sir …” she thought for a moment, “that must be short for servant!”
“Send him out to by new spring plungers?” Yep that’s his job!
Phyllis Diller is, in my opinion, the original domestic goddess and queen of one liners! Born to an insurance man in Ohio, I thought it most appropriate she kick off my Funny Friday!
Phyllis Diller – Age:
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her right breast. It turned out to be a trick knee.
You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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When men handle insurance affairs:
‘You ought to feel highly honored,’ said the businessman to the life insurance agent, ‘so far today I have had my secretary turn away insurance quotes from seven insurance agents.’ ‘Yes, I know,’ replied the agent, ‘I am them.’Are you a Mom of all boys? If your answer is yes, you have to check out the interview with author Sharon O’Donnell! My boys are grown now however, had her book been published while I was raising them, I would have bought it in an instant! This is too real and very funny!
To give you some insight, this is an excerpt from the front page of her website, momsofboys.org: “Lost in a world of bathroom humor, sports, and Mt. Everest-sized piles of laundry, moms often lose their identity as a woman and their sanity as a human being. Moms of Boys have long forgotten what it’s like to go to a ‘girls’ movie or to the theatre or ballet or to have time to paint their toenails or even shave their legs.”
What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust?’ Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it!JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one
for cold milk?’
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so
old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you
must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much
that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain
to t ake the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained
it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’
