a blog for women… I'm just sayin'

The woman was so cheap . . .  When someone rang her doorbell, her kids had to yell, ding dong!

Never knock on Death’s door; ring the doorbell and run… he hates that 

And the #1 Funny Friday doorbell joke….

A woman had been married so many times she was totally fed up. You see all the men she married either ran away, physically abused her, or the men were terrible in bed.  The woman was wealthy and lonely so she posted an ad outlining her requirements. What she wanted was a man who:

1) must not run away.

2) must not beat her up.

3) must be good in bed.

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was chiming constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day she heard the door chimes again and upon opening the door, she saw a man in a wheel chair with no arms and no legs. “Hello, I’m here responding to the ad,” he began. She replied, “How do you fit the requirements?” He said, “I have no legs so I can’t run away, I have no arms to beat you.” The lonely woman asked, “Are you good in bed?” The man said, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

OK maybe that’s an old corny joke but you gotta admit the grandma pic is hilarious!

Funny Friday Video Feature

TGIF – Hope you have a great weekend!

A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband’s infertility problem. The doctor says, “Just give your husband these Viagra pills in his next meal, and stand back.”
The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, “Just put two of these in my husband’s dinner tonight.”
As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, “Sure, like I got nothing better to do,” and she throws the whole bunch into the soup.
As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen. The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on.
The cook admits to throwing all the pills into the soup and cries, “I don’t know what to do, the meat balls have doubled in size, and the vermicelli is standing straight up!”

……………..

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride!

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A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished – but then realized “it’s only going to cost us $30 per year”

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An elderly man went into his local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to refill his prescription for Viagra. The pharmacist said, “No problem, sir. How many would you like?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 3, but cut each one into 5 pieces.”
The pharmacist said, “It’s not going to work that well, cutting the Viagra that many times.”
The elderly man said, “That’s all right. I don’t need vigrx for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”

Audrey Meadows & Jackie Gleason – The Honeymooners

Alice: Boy, you men kill me; you’re all alike. You want us women to bow and scrape at your feet. You men just think that you own this world.
Ralph: Yeah, but you women get revenge. You marry us!

eBaum’s World

A man had a hemorrhoid and badly needed cream. He would be so embarrassed to go and buy the best hemorrhoid treatment cream at his local pharmacy for obvious reasons.

What should he do to get the cream without stealing, buying it at the register, and not be embarrassed?

He should buy the cream along with a box of tampons! He is not embarrassed, and he looks like a wonderful husband.

Lucille Ball – I Love Lucy

“Oh Ethel did you ever wish there was something else to marry besides men?”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I’m sitting on top of the world, and I’ve got hemorrhoids.”

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

“With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.”

Jerry Seinfeld

Men want the same thing from women that they want from their underwear… a little support, comfort, and freedom.

BUTT (but) n
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
Male: What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, home run, or goal. Also good for mooning.

What better a way to honor Dad this Father’s Day than with a bit of humor!

To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. – Ernest Hemingway

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.
When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”

Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water?
But I’ve already given you ten!
I know, but the bedroom is still on fire!

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked.
“Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

Toby Keith’s “Who’s Your Daddy” – Baby Style!

Way to go dad. What a father will do for his little girl!

Happy Father’s Day!